Useless?
by Dreamweaver56
Summary: Im Useless. I'm nervous. I'm terrified. I'm alone. A story in the eyes of the ones who were there.


**Okay, so this was just a story that I've been thinking about for a while and I really wanted to write it. It wasn't meant to be Yaoi, but if you like that you can think of it that way. Note: this story doesn't really have chapters; it's more like the same story from each persons view. Sebastian's. Mey-Rin's. Finny. And then Ciel. So please enjoy this one. (And for anyone who has followed one of my stories before, know that the next chapter may not come out right away… I tend to start things and not finish them… I have two stories already I have to finish… okay! Now! With that said! Please enjoy! **

I sat in my room quietly, enjoying the peace that night brought to the mansion. It covers the room in sweet silence, bringing comfort; a feeling of relaxation like a blanket does for a small child. I picked up the book that I had slipped out of the library when I had been cleaning it the other day. I hadn't much of a chance to read it because I've been so busy tending to the young lord's needs.

I've noted he's been acting in a most unusual way as of late. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it is definitely different. He's been exhausted and sluggish these past few days and, strangely, less inclined to argue with me, which is more unsettling than anything. But beside his demeanor, I've noticed a physical change in the young lord as well. His skin has been very pale lately, which really brings out the dark shadows underneath his multicolored eyes. I have checked to make sure he wasn't running a fever numerous times, but each time it's always normal. I'm hoping he has just been working to hard…

Just as I was getting to a very critical part in the storyline of my book, I heard something, a clatter that sounded like someone grunting and moaning, or whining. I listened for a moment, debating on whether I should go and investigate the strange sound. It was probably nothing. Someone dreaming maybe. As the sound began to grow more and more strained, just like my patience, I decided I may as well go and see what was going on. So, setting my book down on my nightstand, I slipped out of my bed and went to go see what all of the commotion was.

I stepped out into the hallway and went to shut my door behind me, but the sound, once again, made me stop and listen. The moaning and groaning sounds I had been hearing were growing clearer. Whoever was making those sounds was saying my name. This, as expected, raised my curiosity and inclined me to listen harder. As I did, I realized that the voice was, in fact, coming from my Master's room. That was odd. Was he dreaming about me? A smirk curled my lips as i wondered what he was dreaming, but it vanished as quickly as it had come, when I realized that his cries were not of pleasure or happiness, but out of fear, panicked even, and he almost sounded as if he was in pain. I was about to go see what had happened, when I heard footsteps coming my way. I turned to the staircase to find Mey-Rin running towards me . . . and tripping on her shoelace. She ran up to me.

"Sebastian what's going on," she asked, "I was downstairs finishing up my work for the night when I heard the young lord. Is everything alright?"

"I'm not sure; I was going to check now." I answered, and then I heard something that made my blood run cold. My master screeched out a strangled cry that rang through the entire manor. His voice made my breath hitch, I had never heard him sound so frightened before.

"SEBASTIAN!"

"Young Lord!" I shouted, my feet already moving of their own will, charging towards the door to his room, only slightly aware that that Mey-Rin was stumbling after me. I flung the door open to be met with a very worrisome sight. My master was awake, sitting up in the middle of his oversized bed, his hands clenching the blankets tightly around him hard enough for his knuckles to turn a ghostly white. His shoulders were tight and, from where I was standing, I could see his entire body shivering so badly it looked as if he were convulsing. I rushed over to his bedside, I could see now that his face was the color of a ghost which contrasted greatly to the dark hair that was plastered to his head. His breathing was hard and uneven, as if he had been running for hours, which worried me even more.

"Young Lord?" I said, the worry obviously showing in my voice. He didn't respond. But, what bothered me most was that his eyes weren't focusing. I wasn't even sure if he knew I was there. I removed a white glove and placed a bare hand on his forehead.

"You don't have a fever my lord, but you're flushed and completely soaked."

"Here." Came Mey-Rin's voice from behind me. I hadn't even been aware that she had come in the room. She walked quickly over to the other side of the bed and sat down beside the young lord. I saw her hesitate for a moment, obviously debating something, before deciding and reaching up to dab his forehead gently with an apron. He didn't slap her hand away; more so, he didn't even acknowledge she was there. What was wrong with him? I just couldn't figure it out.

"What's going on?" said a voice from the door. I looked over and saw Finny standing at the door in his night clothes. But my attention was turned back to my master when he went into a very painful looking coughing fit, he sounded almost like he had choked on something. I tried to pay attention to the Young Lord, but Mey-Rin's face caught my attention. It was different somehow. It was concerned, but at the same time, it seemed determined, like she knew what she was doing. That was a first for her. She had a hand on the Young Lords back and was…talking to me? What? I tried to listen, but… for some reason my mind wouldn't comprehend anything. What was wrong with me? My eyes fell back on my master and back to Mey-Rin. I couldn't focus. What was she saying?

Why was I feeling this way? I don't think I have ever been this panicked before. The Master's been sick many times before, but I never panicked like this. I saw her look away from me, over my shoulder, and continuing to talk. The Young Lords coughing worsened. I looked back at him, meaning to place a hand on his back … but I didn't. I couldn't get my brain to tell my arm to move. What was going on? What was I acting so … so senseless?

"I've got it!" shouted Finny, running to Mey-Rin's side with a bowl, this first thing I had heard clearly in a few minutes. That's what she must have been trying to ask me. Finny stepped away from the bed and was watching The Young Lord with nervous eyes, obviously just as distressed as any of us.

"Thanks." Said Mey-Rin, placing the bowl on the bed in front of the Young Lord. My panic escalated further when his breathing sped up even more as his hands removed themselves from the sheets and snaked around his middle. Mey-Rin was still rubbing his back, but was talking to him now, whispering things to him. I couldn't hear very clearly though. Suddenly, The Young Lord's eyes widened as he jerked forwards and was nosily sick into the bowl. I felt my breath hitch in my throat for the second time tonight. I've been with him through many cases of him losing his meal, but… why was it so different now?

I couldn't figure it out. But, I knew I would be no help unless I was calm.

"Excuse me." I said, standing up. Mey-Rin looked like she was going to protest, but when she looked up at me, she paused and then nodded. I walked over to the large chair in the corner of the room and sat down, my head in my hands. The sound of The Young Lord getting sick drumming into my ears. Why didn't I do anything? What was wrong with me?

Had seeing my Lord like that really scared me that much? No. I don't get scared. Things like this don't _scare_ me …well, maybe it did. Seeing the one person I care about in so much pain really didn't…did I just say care? …. Maybe I do care about him. This constant need to protect him. Using the excuse, "I'm bound by my contract" is like something of a cover. I do need to protect him… but I also _want_ to protect him. Guard him from anymore pain, sorrow, anguish. Everything he's been through. No child should have to see that. .. And he's seen more than enough. I just want to see him smile. I've never seen it. His smile. But from what Elizabeth says, it's probably wonderful. .. Bloody hell. This demon's gone soft.

"Sebastian, sir? Is everything alright?' an innocent voice snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked up and was staring at Finny. His eyes were wide with concern, but heavy with sleep.

"I-I'm fine." I stammered, even though I knew I wasn't. I looked over at Mey-Rin and my master on the bed. Tears beaded in the corners of the masters eyes and he looked physically and emotionally upset. He was looking at Mey-Rin and speaking to her. I couldn't make out what he was saying, however. He would say something and she would answer, her face concerned…but it still seemed calming all the same.

I watched him as he turned his head away squeezing his eyes shut. What was wrong?

"He had a nightmare." Stated Finny, "When I was standing near Mey-Rin I heard him say so." I looked at him. He was leaning against the wall his hands folded in front of him. His eyes were looking where mine had been. A nightmare? He's had those in the past… why was this one effecting him so much.

"He mentioned your name," continued Finny, not looking at me, "I think it was about you, sir."

I looked back at my master. Me? Why me? I watched him in his bed. His hands were clenched together, still trembling. He said something again, but this time she didn't answer him right away. After a moment pause, I watched, with some …a lot of astonishment, as Mey-Rin slipped off her glasses and placed them on the table next to the bed. I watched her lips move, whispering something to the master. And the master looked up, almost surprised…before he did something none of us would have ever expected in a lifetime. The Young Lord lunged sideways and wrapped his arms around Mey-Rin's waist and sobbed into her apron …well at least he was responding again. She looked surprised for a moment before she began to rub his back and continued to reassure the boy.

But… I couldn't help but feel like I should have been the one over there. Like I should have been the one rubbing his back while he was sick. The one who was there by his bedside… the one who he needed. I failed. I'm supposed to be there to protect him. To make sure nothing happens to him. … But I guess there are some things that I can't protect him from. … I just … I can't help but feel … so useless.

It's the weirdest feeling. Strange. Alien. I don't like it. I felt Finny's eyes on me, staring. Concerned, but ignored him. I guess it was strange, seeing me so … different.

"H-he was gone! He w-wouldn't answer-r me whe-" I looked up as my master began shouted, but he didn't finish his sentence when a new onslaught of tears ripped through his body. If I could have died this sight would have killed me.

"My Lord," I heard May-Rin say softly, "Sebastian's right here." She extended a hand in my direction. I looked at her for a moment, surprised. Did he think I was gone? …Where would I have g… the dream? Now was my chance. I stood up and walked towards the bed, my knees still shaking from the scene a few minutes ago.

Gently, I slipped my hand into hers, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I smirked as a blush rose on her cheeks. No matter what, she was still May-Rin. I bent down in front of the master, touching his shoulder with the other hand.

"I'm here, My Lord." I said. I heard him gasp as he looked up at me. His eyes were wide with disbelief. He stared at me a moment longer before his face contorted in sorrow once again and, he released his hold on his maids waist and wrapped his arms around my neck, burying his tearstained face in my shoulder. May-Rin released my hand and I wrapped my arms around the small boy.

She gave me a look as if to say, "your turn." I smiled at her and gave her wink as if to say, "no problem." I smiled a little wider as a blush rushed to color her cheeks all over again as she slipped on her glasses and gave the master a gentle pat on the shoulder before leaving the room, Finny, after a look back at me and the Young Lord, scurried on after her.

"S-S-Sebastian!" cried My Master. Gently, I picked up the small boy from the bed and brought him over to the chair I was previously sitting in. It was my turn to help him. Maybe I wasn't completely useless.

"It's alright, My Lord. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." I said, rubbing his back in attempt to calm the poor boy.

"I c-called for you! C-Called you n-name! … You didn't answer. You d-didn't move! …You just layer there. … Staring at me…"

"Sir?" I asked. How bad had this been?

"…You stared at me. Your eyes wide, surprise written all over you face…the blood… pooling around your body as the s-shadow stood over l-laughing at taunting… _he's gone, he's gone! Just like your parents! Burning in the fires of Hell! …_that's what he said to me…"

My heart ached as I held him tighter to me. This poor boy.

"My Lord." I said, "look at me." His breath hitched as he looked up, almost hesitantly. I ran a thumb across his cheeks, drying the tears that had stained his face.

"It was just a dream. I'm not going anywhere. I told you I would be here until the end, and that is what I'm going to do. I swear. Your parents are gone, but I'm still here. I'm not leaving. I give you my word and my word is true."

More tears spilled over his eyes once again as he grabbed hold of my nightshirt and clung tight. "Sebastian." Said the small boy.

I placed my chin on the top of his head. "I'm right here." I sat there for a while, whispering comforting words and thinking. Even though he seemed tough and so old at times… Ciel Phantomhive really was just a small child. Scared and lonely and who has seen far too much of the Earth's darkness … and not enough light.

His parents were gone. His aunt was gone. His childhood. His light. His smile. They were all gone. … but I was still here. I was here and I swore that I wasn't going anywhere. And that was something I was going to do. I was going to be there when he needed me. I won't leave. I won't go anywhere. And I don't lie.

I heard my master yawn. "Go to sleep," I said. "It's alright."

"…don't leave when I fall asleep … that's an order." He said, closing his eyes. I smiled. He snuggled closer to me as I leaned back in the chair. Within minutes, his breathing had slowed to be rhythmic and calm.

"Yes, My lord."


End file.
